“From digital mischief to outright destruction”

The 1980s and 1990s PC viruses were a special breed. The MS-DOS operating system wasn’t particularly secure – few home computer operating systems were back then – so viruses could spread quickly, and many did.

Some of the viruses focused more on actually wreaking havoc and destroying things, and some primarily on effective propagation that served no additional purpose. The last group was viruses that were maybe… a little bit exhibitionist, announcing themselves with various audio-visual effects of the kind of quality you might expect from vintage computers in the hands of bored programmers.

Various antivirus programs were as much a necessity back then as ad blockers feel today. In Poland, the most popular one was called MkS_Vir – named after its creator, Marek Sell.

I believe MkS_Vir had a reputation for being great at detecting the viruses and disinfecting machines, but part of its appeal was that it also hosted something that you could call a virus zoo – a few actual viruses, completely defanged but still presenting their audio-visual effects, so you could experience them without any fear.

I emulated MkS_Vir just to show you. Here’s a virus that once in a while would make all your letters uppercase:

Here’s one that would rotate your screen on Fridays:

Here’s one that a month after the infection would show flames – and render your computer unbootable:

Here’s one that laughed at you:

Here’s one that waited three months and then ate your letters:

This one was a true classic, making your letters fall:

And this one flushed your screen like a toilet:

These all seem retro and cute today. I don’t want to trivialize them, though, even those that “only” messed up your screen. Imagine being new to home computers – already a petrifying proposition – and then seeing something like that, not knowing whether computers were even meant to do this.

Turns out, there were a lot more “virus zoo” efforts.

A Czech antivirus program called AVG also had a built-in one; YouTube has a video walking your through a lot of them in sequence.

The Internet Archive has a malware museum, created by Mikko Hypponen in 2016. What’s particularly interesting about this effort is that these 87 entries are not screenshots or videos – they are actually emulated malware, rendered inert in part by emulation’s inherent sandboxing, and in part by some careful preparation, likely similar to the ones above.

Lastly, danooct1 has been collecting and showcasing viruses, trojans, and worms on his YouTube channel. These are not the most gripping narratively, but at 672 videos (sic!), one has to admire the sheer effort. They extend the timeframe from the DOS era to early Windows, and occasionally even more platforms. This makes it possible to see more modern takes on the viruses above, like a melting screen worm, now in true graphics mode…